July 23, 2005
D-Day - 19
song in the background: 100 daysToday marks the 1st day of my long journey home...just shifted to Kuya Raffy's today...things I accomplished:
- pack up all my clothes (check)
- met with Mia who helped me pack up (check)
- moved to Kuya Raffy's (check)
- had an overwhelming feeling of what's ahead of me...ending in tears (double check)
God, this is so hard. It's so easy to sink into depression and self pity. But I've tried that and look where it go tme? I wanna try this thing that Ive "believed" in but never really "lived" up to. I wanna be known as a man who's faith is as big as his God.
No more self pity.
No more withdrawal syndrome.
No more hiding.
If God can restore anything, he can definitely restore me. Here's a verse given by my dearest best friend:
Habakkuk 3:17-20
17 Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
19 The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights.
So as the curtain call approaches in this chapter of my lfe, I have all the right to worry about what's ahead...But that's what faith is for...
to be able to face the facts but focus on the promises...
...to be realistic but not suicidal...
...to be optimistic but not naive...
...to hope that inspires action and total trust in my one true God.
Dont get me wrong..everything inside of me wants to scream and die right now. But im through relying on just myself.
Now I'm really running after him...to the path of redempetion...
and to know what it really means...to be redeemed.
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